THAT is the question that keeps presenting itself to me so many times in the last month concerning my own actions or how I raise my children. I think I am going to spend some time this year pursuing this question. Perhaps there will be a resolution. Perhaps it will only lead to more questions. But either way I am sure there is something to be learned.
It has been several years since I was standing behind a lady in line at the Tampa airport while we were both waiting to go through security before we could board our separate flights. It was not too long after 9/11/01 and Tampa hadn't really streamlined the security process yet. I was granted the opportunity to listen to this woman bitch for over an hour about her unpleasant dealings with a lady in Louisiana over the phone. I can't remember as much exactly what her complaint was. I can remember pretty clearly how she made me feel. She was describing her frustration with the lady's politeness on the phone. I think there was an issue. The polite lady did not confront it immediately on the phone. The bitching woman was frustrated that the polite lady wasn't more direct. I suppose I can use nicknames from this point on. We will call them BW and PL.
It pissed me off. For one thing I am from Louisiana and in her rant she covered how she pretty much can't stand dealing with people from the south, particularly those from Louisiana, because they are too polite. I just stewed, thinking...that's probably exactly how I would have handled it. I am not prone to immediate confrontation. I need ample verification that I am justified in my confrontation before I unload on someone critically. I would have gotten off of the phone, researched the issue to see if I still felt like there was a need for confrontation and then dropped it and admit to myself in my internal argument that I was wrong or pursued it,if I were right, probably at least a couple of hours if not a day or two after the initial phone call. And still in other cases, if I found that raising the issue wouldn't help anything to change in a positive way or that it wasn't necessary for productivity, I would still drop it.
So, I was raised to be polite. Treat people how you would want to be treated. For me, I don't like to be confronted with less than full true facts. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Share your blessings, one day you may need someone to share with you. Don't lie, cheat or steal. Smile. Say please and thank you. I genuinely believe that these things are easy to do.
I stood behind BW in line thinking, well I ought to.....Something...I wanted to defend PL in the name of all the PLs out there who just don't speak up in the name of respect. And I didn't. And I supported her rant by not speaking up. And I laughed at myself for it. And decided I should not always bite my tongue.
Now I am not so sure it is better to be publicly right as it is to be kind and compassionate. But I am really struggling with this one. I have taught my oldest now to be just like me. I am overwhelmed with pride when we are commended on how polite, gentle and well behaved she is. But I am afraid now that I have led her to a place where she believes it is disrespectful to stick up for herself…
To be continued…email me your thoughts if you want. My comment capability here on blogger is broken.
