Wednesday, March 12, 2014

That's not Love, I am Out!!

I recently have received the message, in some loving and some not so loving ways, that I am too sensitive.  Go figure! I am a first born and a Pisces and if these two things don't have "may be tad sensitive" written all over them...Well OK message heard loud and clear.  But let me also be clear, my sensitivity works for me as well as against me. Because I can step back from a hurtful situation and see "not what you intended" it works for me. I am steering myself out of situations that have been hurtful to me in the past by getting out of the race.

So I need to declare for myself in all arenas if you are getting a message from me that is not loving, it was not intentional.  You heard a message I unintentionally delivered and I want it back and I want to make it better. I want to apologize without a lengthy explanation about why I was actually right. Without the BUT.I just want to take it back because being right, mighty and just in a relationship that matters is worth nothing if it demises the relationship forever.

Competition has crept into all facets of everyday life.  And I want to be out. In these arenas I am not entering into the competition. I am not the best wife,  I am not the best mother, I was not the best engineer, not the best student, I am not the best Christian, I am not the best friend, I am not the best daughter, I am not the fastest or best runner or walker, I am not the greatest cook, I am not a great writer at all and not the fastest reader or even selector of books to read for that matter.  The list goes on and on.  While I may be these things, I do not proclaim to be the ultimate at any of them and why would I want to be. Extreme in any of these categories would not make me a better person and it might make someone feel led to be better than me.  Take it!

 Relationships matter to me the most.  THE MOST.  I think we, me and you too, sometimes let boastfulness creep into our relationship and can tear it down. So I give.

My friend Tandi recently relayed this story to me about horses.  One horse in a field will graze and run and sun and just casually enjoy their day.  Add a second horse.  If the second horse joins horse one in a field and then starts running off at a race pace in a random direction, then the first horse will also start running in an attempt to overtake the second horse without even knowing where they are racing to. Horse don't know where it is going but it is going to GET THERE FIRST! I speak analogy so I get this.

While setting personal achievable goals for ourselves in areas of our own interest is a great way to measure or track personal growth, randomly one-upping each other is an exercise in futility.  Who is growing from that?  I think no one. We do that to each other. People do that. We enter into these subtle underlying competitions and work ourselves up over who was right, best, first, favorite, most, highest and so on all the while tearing away at something that was beautiful. US!  We were great, but now I am convinced that being the best between us just took precedence.  That makes me pretty sad.

There is peace in stepping out!  And I love you!


Part B: What does the Bible say about this?
Back to that I am not the best Christian part of my spiel...I like to call myself a baby Christian.  The word of God is great and large and full of real life wisdom.  I am helped daily by scripture, but as a baby Christian I hold onto the greatest commandments as the basis living life. See below.  In short, if it is not loving, it is not right.

Matthew 22:36-40
New International Version (NIV)
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

And I can't help but hear the wisdom in this scripture here too. Another favorite of mine.

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.



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